You've seen those annoying commercials:
(Sound
of breaking glass. Cut to white dude wearing black watchcap coming
through smashed back door. An alarm goes off, Susie Homemaker hears the
noise and approaches and the robber backs out and hauls butt.)
The phone rings:
Susie: Hello?
Caller: This is Dinks Home Security. Your alarm system shows a break-in. Are you okay?
Susie: Yes. A burglar broke in my back door. We're okay.
Caller: We've notified the police. Stay on the line until they arrive.
(And
then we receive a spiel about how you can afford a home security system
to protect you from burglars who will always run when they hear an
alarm)
What they don't show is:
* a) the nearest patrolman has just pulled over a speeder and won't be there for a half hour
*
b) The burglar isn't a burglar but a drug-addled sexual deviant who
decides that a little "companionship" might be in order before he
leaves.
* c) The burglar might not want to leave witnesses.
What I'd like to see:
(Sound
of breaking glass. Cut to white dude wearing black watchcap coming
through smashed back door. An alarm goes off, Susie Homemaker hears the
noise and approaches carrying a short-barreled Remington pump shotgun.)
As the burglar turns, we hear BLAM! Rrrrack-BLAM!-Rrrrack! and a thump reminiscent of a side of beef hitting a concrete slab.
The phone rings:
Susie: Hello?
Caller: This is Dinks Home Security. Your alarm system shows a break-in. Are you okay?
Susie: Yes. A burglar broke in my back door. We're okay.
Caller: We've notified the police. Stay on the line until they arrive.
Susie:
Uh, while you're helping me, could you get a representative from
Servicemaster here to give me a quote on the cleanup? I've got a big
mess in my kitchen.
(And
then we hear a spiel from Bob's Sporting Goods: "We sell weapons for
home defense. Buy one and we'll help you learn how to use it. Remember,
when seconds count, the police are minutes away. YOU can make a
difference!)Related!!!
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